How did your blog get that ridiculous name?
(okay, so Amy didn't actually ask that question, but I could tell she was thinking it, so I decided to answer)
I have a deep-seated, life-long belief that I like you more than you like me. WAY more. On the outside, I'm a straight-laced, somewhat reserved person, but inside, I am nothing but a big, goofy, slobbery yellow dog. I am running enthusiastic circles around you, tongue hanging out, ears flapping, saying “Hi! What's your name? Want to be my friend? Want to play with me?" I am standing by the door with the Frisbee in my mouth wagging my tail. I am barking at the window when you pull into the driveway. I am gazing at you adoringly, 24 hours a day, saying:
But here’s the thing; puppies are exhausting. I know this. You may think puppies are absolutely adorable and perfect, and then you try to spend more than ten minutes with them and you remember why you don’t have a puppy. They are relentless. I’ve lived my life trying to keep my inner puppy in her crate so she doesn’t annoy others. I am irrationally convinced that the kind, fun, generous, loving people in my life are eventually going to swat me with a rolled up newspaper and tell me to go away.
Let me interject and say I don’t look like a crazy, neurotic, insecure person. In fact, I look like I totally have my shit together. That’s because I’ve learned to fake it in order protect myself from the inevitable disappointment of you not liking me as much as I like you. I’ve perfected this act to the point of creating enormous personal barriers that keep you at arm’s length at all times. I look like I don’t need or want you in my life, and as a result, you keep your distance, and totally prove my theory right. Perverse, I know.
So what, you are asking, does this ridiculous self -disclosure have to do with the name of my blog? Well a bunch of years ago I had a dream in which I owned a dog named Rushmore. A dear friend (who wormed her way through a crack in my armor and knows all about my personal puppy theory) found this symbolism hilarious and would affectionately call me Rushmore.
So I started using “iamrushmore” as a user name when I wanted to be anonymous. It was a private little joke with myself and it represented a part of me I tried to keep hidden. When I started my blog, I couldn’t think of a wonderful creative name. I wasn’t even sure I was going to TELL anyone I’d started a blog, so rather than agonizing over a great title, I resorted to my code name.
The funny thing is, the more I do this, the less I want to hide. The more I create and share, the less I care what others think of me. Is it good? Does it suck? WHO CARES – I’m having fun! I’m a paint-flinging wonder, and in the process I’m figuring out who I am.
Guess what? I AM Rushmore. I’m enthusiastic. I’m energetic. I’m playful. (OK, I’ll admit it, I’m a spaz). I will love you with my whole heart, no questions asked. I might even lick you once in a while. I will certainly leave muddy footprints on your kitchen floor, but I will help you clean it up. I will be your friend for the rest of your life if you will just scratch me behind the ears once in a while. Like it or not, it’s who I am. Say it loud, say it proud.