Monday, October 10, 2011

Why Am Rushmore?

In which my interview with Amy continues:

Question two-and-a-half: 
How did your blog get that ridiculous name?
(okay, so Amy didn't actually ask that question, but I could tell she was thinking it, so I decided to answer)

I have a deep-seated, life-long belief that I like you more than you like me.  WAY more.  On the outside, I'm a straight-laced, somewhat reserved person, but inside, I am nothing but a big, goofy, slobbery yellow dog.  I am running enthusiastic circles around you, tongue hanging out, ears flapping, saying “Hi! What's your name? Want to be my friend?  Want to play with me?"  I am standing by the door with the Frisbee in my mouth wagging my tail.  I am barking at the window when you pull into the driveway.  I am gazing at you adoringly, 24 hours a day, saying:


But here’s the thing; puppies are exhausting.  I know this.  You may think puppies are absolutely adorable and perfect, and then you try to spend more than ten minutes with them and you remember why you don’t have a puppy.  They are relentless.  I’ve lived my life trying to keep my inner puppy in her crate so she doesn’t annoy others.  I am irrationally convinced that the kind, fun, generous, loving people in my life are eventually going to swat me with a rolled up newspaper and tell me to go away. 



Let me interject and say I don’t look like a crazy, neurotic, insecure person.  In fact, I look like I totally have my shit together.  That’s because I’ve learned to fake it in order protect myself from the inevitable disappointment of you not liking me as much as I like you.   I’ve perfected this act to the point of creating enormous personal barriers that keep you at arm’s length at all times.  I look like I don’t need or want you in my life, and as a result, you keep your distance, and totally prove my theory right.  Perverse, I know.


So what, you are asking, does this ridiculous self -disclosure have to do with the name of my blog?  Well a bunch of years ago I had a dream in which I owned a dog named Rushmore.  A dear friend (who wormed her way through a crack in my armor and knows all about my personal puppy theory) found this symbolism hilarious and would affectionately call me Rushmore.

So I started using “iamrushmore” as a user name when I wanted to be anonymous.  It was a private little joke with myself and it represented a part of me I tried to keep hidden.  When I started my blog, I couldn’t think of a wonderful creative name.  I wasn’t even sure I was going to TELL anyone I’d started a blog, so rather than agonizing over a great title, I resorted to my code name.


The funny thing is, the more I do this, the less I want to hide.  The more I create and share, the less I care what others think of me.  Is it good?  Does it suck?  WHO CARES – I’m having fun!   I’m a paint-flinging wonder, and in the process I’m figuring out who I am. 



Guess what?  I AM Rushmore.  I’m enthusiastic. I’m energetic.  I’m playful.  (OK, I’ll admit it, I’m a spaz).  I will love you with my whole heart, no questions asked.  I might even lick you once in a while.  I will certainly leave muddy footprints on your kitchen floor, but I will help you clean it up.  I will be your friend for the rest of your life if you will just scratch me behind the ears once in a while.  Like it or not, it’s who I am.  Say it loud, say it proud.

27 comments:

  1. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally a blog post out in the blogoshere that I enjoyed every single word of!!! I can relate completely to your words. I think all of us have learned over time how to put up barriers of some sort. Ya know?!

    My blog's name, The Homeless Finch, is explained in the last two paragraphs for my first blog post ever in March. It has a little bit of a similiar feel as yours, only different. Check it out if you want. I'm a rescuer.

    Thanks for the raw and honest words...I like real.

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  2. Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing!!!

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  3. This is a great post! I am loving the way you are answering these questions... Even if Amy didn't ask this one specifically, I was definitely curious :) I can really relate to this one (wish I could relate to the "best butt" one too! ha!)

    xo
    Kristin

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  4. So. I really Treally like you even more now.
    I think that if people paid more attention to the stories that we tell about ourselves, we'd all seem so much more.. Human.
    I hate typing on my phone.
    Rushmore is one of my favorite movies.
    I have more to say, but I'm tipsy...,
    Xx
    A

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  5. I liked the name because I thought it referred to the Wes Anderson movie- which I flat out love to pieces - and was prepared to like you for that alone, but then you tell that great story and I like you even more
    Cool
    By the way my dog has left some footprints by the door, think your inner puppy will call over and clean them up!!
    trace xx

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  6. So great to read all about how you came up with the name and who you came to be. Put that critic to bed, you have come a long way baby as the old add used to say. xox Corrine

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  7. Oh, how I love this.

    I've heard this theory before (without the Rushmore reference), but seeing it here so eloquently woven is entirely different.

    I have this theory about blogging - about writing in general - that says that when we are able to give shape through words to these kinds of powerful forces in our lives, the power dynamic changes, and we begin to own them more than they own us.

    And so, really, I LOVE this.

    And I know you don't believe me, but it is truer than you can know: I like you more than you like me. WAY more.

    xo

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  8. What a place, with all these puppy pals to let it all hang out and PLAY - hooray. . . Ready??? Catch!! :)

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  9. I'm pretty darn sure that I LIKE YOU MORE THAN YOU LIKE ME! Someone who can whip together a mutant overlord pigoat that rocks the casbah??? You think that you possibly like me more than I like you?? Really????? I adore you darlin'! Just sayin'..

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  10. god i loved this post the first time and i love it again.

    yikes i love you, slobbery dog.

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  11. LOVE YOU KAREN. Really love you and what you do and this post. You are changing my life by inspiring me onwards and upwards ......or is it downwards.

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  13. oh awesome! yes - the fake it 'til you make it queen, as you mentioned on my blog. now i get it, now i see - you are my kind of people. i stopped hiding, then started doing, and now...several darn years later i think i'm (shhhh *eyes dart side to side* are you ready?)...i think i'm starting to believe. i still look for external validation sometimes - but a lot less than i used and that's just all around rad!

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  14. Lovin' your energy, cute l'il puppy. I wanna play frisbee with you :o)

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  15. By the way, have I ever told you you freakin' Rock? Well, just preppin' you for the next thousand or so :D (and that you remind me of my best, and longest-running, friend who still loves me after all these decades? :D)

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    1. thanks Gina. I'm running circles around you and wagging my tail.

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  16. I just now came across your blog. I've only read one entry and I plan to read more. I've seen your blog name a few times and I wondered about the Karen and the Rushmore. Since my name is Karen and I've seen Mount Rushmore, I was curious. Then I read your explanation of your name and it really struck a chord with me. I've some "real" in person friends, but they don't really seem real. When I read something like this, I think, gee, there are people out there that are like me too! I'm not like a puppy dog since I've never had one, but I understand where you are coming from, I think. Thanks so much for sharing! Expect a postcard soon. BTW, my postcards and really envies. You cut the stitches on the top and there is a surprise inside!

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  17. Aw I am so glad I saw this link! Guess what! I like you just as much as you like me :-) and I'm going to prove it by sending you some mail art. Watch out precious! xx

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  18. High five, Karen. I love your honesty and bravery. I was directed to your blog by Jessica Brogan and I just LOVE your inspiration card deck and other work.
    I'll certainly be joining in some of your swaps and popping back to read more of your posts. Thank you for sharing and being so authentic. It is a joy to read your blog posts....

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  19. Karen.. just read this about you. I LOVE YOUR STORY and I LOVE your spirit. Meeting you and spending an art day with you was so much fun. Love your "puppy" energy. More than I got. Thank you for your mail art too. I hope we get to play again.

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  20. I don't know how I missed this explanation, maybe I always thought I'd clicked the link and never did. And I just thought you were a cool, creative person living incognito in a normal, ordinary world. I had no idea of the slobbery puppy behaviour going on behind the paint brush. This made me smile. Thanks!

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  21. This was one of the most inspiring, most personal and brave posts I've seen. I'm now a huge, slobbering, frisbee carrying fan! I will be following your journey and am eager to 'play' with you!

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  22. Oh Karen, what a wonderful mind you have, and what a wonderful, seeking, seeing, creative soul you are. You are my inspiration.

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  23. Oh Karen, what a wonderful mind you have, and what a wonderful, seeking, seeing, creative soul you are. You are my inspiration.

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  24. Gosh Karen! As I was reading this entry, I found myself thinking I have finally found a kindred soul who would actually understand me!! Thank you for sharing this deep part of yourself.. You are amazing! :)

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